Dear Writing, you're terrifying.

Writing is always on my mind. Whether I’m formulating new ideas, freaking out about the writing I’m not doing, or enjoying the rare yet ever-emotionally-exhausting epiphany, I am always thinking about it. Still, my constant obsessing over writing doesn’t usually help me put a syllable on paper. That’s the real challenge- to stop procrastinating and actually be productive. Most of the time, I become frustrated and assume that laziness or ignorance is what keeps me from writing. Maybe I’m just not meant to write. Whatever it is, I know I am not the first person to experience disappointment or indecisiveness, and I certainly won’t be the last. C.S. Lewis wrote, “We read to know we are not alone,” and Annie Dillard’s article is by far the most helpful text I’ve read to help me understand this concept.

Dillard says to “write as if you were dying” and write as if your audience consisted “solely of terminal patients.” This advice is intimidating because it makes time seem heavier and more powerful than usual. I wonder how I could ever convey a message so moving that it affects the heart of a terminal patient. I cannot possibly know enough of anything after the limited experience I’ve had in this world. Upon this realization, all I can think to do is run and run fast.

However, after a minor emotional meltdown and a major amount of chocolate, I’m calm enough to observe that if Annie Dillard is presenting this advice, she must know the feeling and has undoubtedly had her share of meltdowns just like anyone else. If she has experienced this exact sensation of panic and survived it unscathed and ultimately successful, I might have a slight chance at creating something useful to the world too.

Writing is intimidating, and I’d be insane if I weren’t terrified. Nevertheless, it is such a comfort to think that the individuals whom I admire and envy hit the same mental walls of frustration and exhaustion that I thought I was facing alone. Those writers still find inspiration and overcome worse obstacles than I could imagine, and they produce masterpieces.

At the beginning of a new semester, we all need a little inspiration. Annie Dillard’s article has totally kicked me out of my pity-party and motivated me to actually put my pen to my paper and write. I’ll probably never create a masterpiece or inspire a new generation of readers, but my thoughts could be useful to the world in some small way. For now, I’m just content that I’m putting them on paper because I know I’m heading in the right direction.