Considering the fact that I only put up my conclusion, I’m pretty happy with the feedback I received. I definitely kept those comments in mind when I edited the last paragraph and the paper as a whole. One of my issues was wordiness, and in hopes of avoiding it, I really cut down on descriptive words for my first draft. After what my group members said and the feedback online, I felt better about adding more adjectives and modifiers. In addition, I wanted to keep the language somewhat simple, but that means really looking at the words I’m using- especially the verbs.
For example, my introduction includes a sentence about the girls’ locker room falling into chaos. To make it more powerful, my group member suggested using “exploded” or “erupted” instead of “fell”. It’s that type of close inspection that’s exhausting but ultimately better for my memoir. So, thank you to those who gave me suggestions; it really helped me examine the language I was using and why I was using it.
Okay! It finally uploaded!
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